Spiders weave Silkiest Damn Web Blog Ever

By Ima Freeloader
Disassociated Press
BOSTON – Dale Messmer, czar of the beloved Spiders of the MDBL, declared that blogging would be added to an upcoming season of high hopes and, thus, low despair in Spidieville.
“Hell, the two teams who were in the championship game this year have a blog, why shouldn’t the Spiders?” Messmer said as reporters ate free food, drank free beer, belched and quoted the team’s press release. “We’re a championship-caliber team until the dice start rolling.
“We will implement the Silkiest Damn Web Blog Ever ASAP, PDQ and LOL.”
Messmer, known throughout the industry as a man better suited to writing and eating than assembling talented Strat teams, has promised Spider fans fancier promotions, validated parking and pitchers this season.
“We spent a ton of friggin’ money on arms,” he said while this reporter was pouring another beer. “The only thing unlimited about our pitching staff now is the amount of money the idiots in this league will pay them after they lead the Spiders to glory and we refuse to match the free-agent offers made to men who only work every fifth day.”
Messmer, who often likens pitchers to the stuff that grows in the cavity of gutted goose carcasses, said the blog would be open to Disassociated Press reports.
“New communication technology will not keep newspaper folks like yourselves from getting your shit into the marketplace,” he said. “It will just enable more people to recognize your irrelevance. The Silkiest Damn Web Blog Ever will merely continue the reprehensible retching that sports journalists cause in the belly of every thinking man, woman, child and gutted goose.”